I’m notoriously optimistic, but even I have to come off my silver-lined cloud of fluffy hopefulness and accept that some things are just unfortunately never going to go away. Racism is one of them. Colorism is another. They’re like second cousins in the family of sociocultural pariahs, fueled by similar conditioning that has made one side of the spectrum of brown skin more desirable than the other.

About a week ago, the national tour of Bill Duke’s documentary, “Dark Girls,” made its stop here in D.C. I didn’t get a chance to see it—mommy duty trumped anything else on the agenda. But I’ve discussed it at length with ladies who are all too familiar with the subject matter at the heart of the film. They’ve grown up carrying other folks’ baggage about how dark is too dark, shouldering hurtful comments about their unacceptable shade of brown, and questioning themselves because they believed, in the pit of their souls, that life would be better if they had been born able to pass somebody’s paper bag test.

I feel that hurt for them. My best friends are chocolate women who have stories that make my blood boil hot like fire whenever they tell them, painful memories of grandmothers preferring one child over another because of lighter skin or elementary school classmates taunting with names like “African bush boogie.” That’s not including the mess that men and the media have offloaded on them as they matured into beautiful but fragile young ladies. But I can’t help but feel like focusing on just some Black women’s experience with colorism works to reinforce the same divide that colorism creates in the first place.

I didn’t grow up knowing anything about being dark-skinned or light-skinned, at least in my early years. In my mama’s hand-me-down perspective, it didn’t matter if you were café au lait or chocolate deluxe. You was just Black. Out in the world, she argued, nobody was splitting hairs about complexions or shades. She herself is relatively fair, but she grew up slinging fists from being called “nigger” just like the darkest of the kids in her school. Being light-skinned didn’t spare her from any of the head or heartaches of being a Black kid in a grudgingly integrated town in the 1960s so it held no merit or mention in our house.

One day, back when my life’s greatest thrill was dressing Barbies in those itty bitty little outfits and trying to shove their feet into those teeny tiny little shoes that never fit quite right, my favorite cousin, who was almond-eyed and deep mocha brown, came over to play. She unpacked her pink box of trinkets and thrust a brunette, barely tanned doll in my lap. “This one should be you,” she said. “Her skin looks more like yours.” To me, them was fightin’ words and I was indignant. “But she’s white!” I squabbled, reaching for the clearly Black one I had my sights set on. I ended up getting her—I’m an only child and when I was a kid, I was a classic example that only children are used to getting their own way. As we got older, it became clear that my cousin wanted to be light like me and I wanted to be dark like her. She was Black without question. Mine was always up for interpretation.

On the one hand, you aren’t Negroid enough for some folks, particularly if Mother Nature had the audacity to pair you with straight-ish hair or non-African features. And God himself help you if you talk “proper.” I got teased because they thought I thought I was white or, at the very least, better. Even as an adult, other people’s hangups have elbowed their way into my subconscious. Too many times walking down the street and being hooted at with “heyyyy redbone” or “what’s up, light bright?”—especially in the deeply colorstruck District of Columbia—has made me question whether dudes are attracted to me or my complexion. Once, after a blind date, a guy confessed that he was relieved I was “just the right color.” He preferred light-skinned women, he said, and even added that my complexion looked good next to his. He thought it was a compliment. All he did was reduce me from a person to a skin color.

Women are picked apart in the worst way. How big our breasts are. How round our butt is. Hair, height, thighs, lips and of course, complexion. But we’re more than a sum of our pieces. Colorism isn’t going away en masse but that doesn’t mean there can’t be a healing among all brown women because most of us have, on some level, experienced the fallout. We just have to be willing to listen and appreciate both side of the experience. If the rest of the world won’t do that, the least we can do is extend that courtesy to each other.
By Janelle Harris
courtesy of Essence

 

January 13 , 2012 In: Uncategorized
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I Love You, You Smell Nice



-How men interpret a woman’s scent

When we say “You smell good,” here’s what we mean:You make me think of fireflies and precisely five tiny beads of sweat on her Coppertoned neck, which was mine one weekend long ago. You make me taste buttered popcorn and Junior Mints and feel the scuffed movie theater seat on my bare calves, and you inspire visions of barbecued hamburgers and pudgy strawberries, purple soap and faded blue sheets.

We mean you smell pure and sweet.

When we say, poleaxed, “What’s that perfume? I really like it,” here’s what we mean: Stealing a kiss in a cab, drinking a Manhattan, which I have never drank before, in Manhattan, where I have never been before tonight. A marbled lobby, a cavernous club, shivering at her hot breath on my cheek when she whispers something about literature on the dance floor, and then another cab, another kiss, freely given, stumbling up narrow, steep stairs in what people of this loud, pushy, wondrous city where I have been one night and want to live out my days call a “walk-up,” which sounds as exotic to my midwestern ears as “prewar” or “schmear.” Her hand on the back of my head, my hand exploring the small of her back, us leaning against a wall in the entryway, fumbling with keys, whispering. Closing my eyes, wondering why people here say “on line” instead of “in line,” feeling drunk, being drunk, having found my future wife, wanting to breathe her in forever.

We mean you smell sophisticated, and a little dangerous, like you know things we don’t but want to.

When we lean toward you and close our eyes and inhale deeply, and it looks like we’re happy for no apparent good reason, here’s what we mean: The crickets are making a racket outside the open windows, and we are rising and falling, rising and falling (it’s the ’80s and it’s a water bed; don’t judge) and James Taylor is singing “Sweet Baby James” and the record skips in the places I know by heart. There, a hiccup between “moonlight” and “ladies” and I swear I can see the sound waves in the clouds of marijuana smoke, and Huxley, her aged German shepherd, is twitching by the door. There’s a sweet, yeasty stench of beer and bacon and fried cheese and onions from the sub shop where she works, and there is her shiny black hair, all the way down her back, and the deep, delighted voice of St. Louis Cardinals ­announcer Jack Buck coming from the tinny transistor radio in the window next door, as he bids “Adios!” when slugger Jack Clark clubs yet another tiny ball and it spins into the thick, black Missouri night.

We mean you smell like musky abandon, like surrender.

When we’re shopping for a sweater at a mall or watching our nephew run at a middle school track meet and in the middle of a crowd, we suddenly stop, dazed, here’s what we mean: I’m 15 and she’s the nice lady who works in the candy store in town where counselors in training go on days off and she gives me free Cherry Cokes. She invites me to water-ski with her at her cabin by the lake next week, and next week comes and there’s a drumming thunderstorm on the roof and when she drives me back to camp she tastes like grape, because it’s the flavor of the lipstick she applies before she gives me the first kiss of what seems to me at the time to be my undeserving but abundantly blessed life.

We mean you smell like a vanilla milk shake.

When you are asking what looks good on the menu and we slump, and we’re staring at something that’s not there? Here’s what that means: Gigantic, impossible blobs of color, purple and yellow, red and green, splotching and dripping and filling up the starry sky. Fresh-cut grass and the scent of gasoline from the pump behind the camp kitchen. Sweaty palms—mine and hers, the summer camp director’s daughter—and we kiss, not knowing that 17-year-olds looking up at the aurora borealis should keep looking, should hold tight to the vision, because we’ll never see it again. She wants to be a lawyer and we talk about raising children and she smells like hot milk cake and I imagine all the summers of my life unspooling in the sky, in northern Wisconsin, in the tall grass up the gentle hill from deep, green Towanda Lake, until the assistant camp director strides out to the athletic field and smacks his clipboard against his thigh and yells at us both to get back to our cabins; do we want him to get fired?

We mean you smell like the summer sky—and hot milk cake.

F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote, “No amount of fire or freshness can challenge what a man will store up in his ghostly heart.” I submit that he had the wrong organ. Looks matter. What you say is important. Actions count most, at least to any reasonable man. But for summoning memories, for transporting us to distant times, for evoking and stirring feelings that we didn’t know were still there, there is scent.

There is only scent.

Courtesy of Elle
By Steve Friedman

January 13 , 2012 In: Uncategorized
COMMENTS: 0

Street Style: Man About Town


Excerpt from Essence:

Shooting the everyday man out-and-about in New York, we were reminded that confidence never goes out of style. Brothers wrapped in scarves and layered in chunky sweaters impressed us with their effortless swagger and style.

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October 13 , 2010 In: Uncategorized
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Good&Brown and A Clothes Encounter

This week I will be out and about in Atlanta repping Good&Brown and giving away free tees for a great cause. Saturday I will be at Kaira Akita’s A Clothes Encounter, an awesome event if you love fashion and all things fabulous! Good&Brown is a VIP Gift Bag Sponsor and if you regsister for the special VIP package, you will receive a free Good&Brown tee and ton of other goodies. Proceeds benefit the Partnership Against Domestic Violence. Check out Kaira’s website for more details.

http://www.aclothesencounteronline.com/upcoming.html

September 25 , 2010 In: Uncategorized
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Virtual Grand Opening

I assume this is what it almost feels like to give birth, but Good&Brown (my baby) is here and I’m ready to really tell everyone about! I’ve dreamt this concept for years and now it is a reality!

If www.SoGoodandBrown.com was a physical store, today would be the day I’d have a grand opening celebration with a ribbon in front of it with a big pair of scissors, media and some great friends and family. Because it isn’t a store, I’m doing the same thing, sans the ribbons and such. I still have the great friends here, but the blog, Facebook and e-mail blasts will have to do.

And yeah, I’m about to do shoutouts. Special thanks to my mom, my aunt,Tonya, Krysten, Christina, Dawn, Kyonda, Shanise, Joi, CJ, Kylie, Brandon, Jalise, Kenneth, Traci, Scott, my old and new customers.

You can use the coupon code GOODFRIENDS until October 4 to receive 20% off of your order. Thanks again, everyone!

September 19 , 2010 In: Uncategorized
COMMENTS: 2

It’s Almost Launch Time

It is raining like CRAZY outside, but it is all good. The website is almost done! Yaaaaay! I’m a bit of a perfectionist. Sometimes. But luckily, my graphic artist/web designer extraordinaire is too! Thanks, Tonya and team!
http://www.wrighttouchdesigns.com/

There are a couple of small things to do, but everything should be finished in the next few days.

To make the day even better, I’m going to see Goodie Mob in concert tonight. Yup, all four members will be there. Raheem the Dream, Pastor Troy and Youngbloodz will be there too. Even the rain can’t mess this day up.

December 14 , 2009 In: Uncategorized
COMMENTS: 0

Good&Brown Holiday Clearance

The Good&Brown clearance is underway! I’m making room for new inventory and everything must go! All shirts are $15 until December 31! Makes the perfect Christmas gift!